BTK - collateral damage

Member of Rader's public defense team still haunted by case: Weeks after the notorious six-month BTK case ended, defense attorney Sarah McKinnon waits to regain her life

Sarah McKinnon spent hours each day with Dennis Rader, helping to guide him through the legal process that ended with him being sentenced to 10 life terms for a series of sadistic murders that terrified Wichita for decades. Now, the Reno County woman wonders how long it will take for life to return to normal - if it ever does.

"I'm still trying to find my stride," McKinnon told The Hutchinson News for a story in Sunday's editions. "I'm still trying to find where regular is - where I left off six months ago, where normal used to be..."

"It's not like you can call your best friend or your mom and dump it on them," she said. "Because of this case's high profile, I've had to carry it inside of me. And now that it's said and done, I can't just spill my guts.

"I've seen things I never wanted to see," said McKinnon, who has lost 25 pounds since the Sedgwick County Public Defender's office took the case in March. "I have information I never wanted, and I have things inside of me that I don't want ... but it's stuff I have to keep until the day he dies..."

"I don't think anybody can appreciate what it was like to be in the trenches with him," McKinnon said. "But the bottom line is that I treated another human with respect and compassion, and for that I don't apologize. I did what I had to do, and someday, I hope I have a sense of pride for doing that."

Keep a good thought for her.