Mawashi 'ed up

I can only avert my eyes in awe of the awesome awfulness of a local colleague's Craigslist ad:

FREE CONSULTATION - I handle anything from Simple Misdemeanors to Murder. INCREDIBLE PRICES CAN BE OBTAINED FROM A PREMIER CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY.

Why incredible prices? I had personal issues last year that required me to downscale my practice. I am back, but it will take me sometime to rebuild my practice so I am willing to provide low prices as I rebuild...

I think that "personal issues" is a fine euphemism.